Becky's Birth Story
“I’m sorry there is no heartbeat.” Quite honestly this is probably the most painful sentence I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard it twice.
I’ve always had dreams of motherhood and when Tyler and I got married in the spring of 2015, we set sight on parenthood. After two years of trying to conceive and a round of in vitro fertilization we got a positive pregnancy test. Finally everything we’ve ever wanted was within arms reach, or so we thought. At our 8 week ultrasound we knew something wasn’t right, and we were kicked in the stomachs with THE sentence.
It’s difficult to accurately describe the emotions that surround you during this time and the weeks and months following. I remember thinking “I’d be 20 weeks now,” or “today would have been my due date.” I was mad that my body failed me, I felt guilty that my husband was grieving, I was scared I may never become a mother. Fortunately, my next pregnancy blessed us with our now 2.5 year old. My third pregnancy would result in a miscarriage and my fourth pregnancy would bless us with our 10 month old.
Experiencing a miscarriage almost steals an amount of joy from consecutive pregnancies. I felt like I could never completely enjoy my pregnancy because “what if.” What helped me cope was speaking with other women who had experienced loss. I also truly believe that I will meet all of my children in heaven some day. Whether you carried your baby for four weeks or forty weeks, they still had a purpose. Many families choose to name the children they’ve lost. You don’t have to learn to move on, you just have to move forward.